Musings

Post number four. Well, at least I came back to write something else. I have to admit my mind is quite blank today and I'm struggling to think of interesting things to write! So I apologise if this is a bit of a ramble, and I promise I will try stop talking when I run out of things to say (as opposed to just repeating myself, which I am admittedly prone to doing).

It's got to that point in the academic year when I start to feel disorientated. It still feels like the start of term - I feel like I've only just started studying this year's work and the whole year is ahead of me - and yet people are already talking about Christmas. The truth is, while I'd love to keep my focus on the rest of this term's studies, all I can really think about is how it'll soon be holidays again and I won't have to worry about arranging supervisions and meeting deadlines and being told things at the last minute. My uni schedule isn't exactly packed, but I think I would find it easier to manage if I had something more regular rather than having to arrange every single class individually. I know this in theory gives me flexibility that some students only dream of, and on the better days I'm grateful for that, but it also means having to rely not only on your own reliability, but also everybody else's, and sometimes I can't help but feel at the mercy of others and their seemingly immovable diaries.

The truth is, I'm tired. I like studying but I'm tired of university and I'm really tired of not having a steady income or a regular schedule. I am looking forward to starting work just so I can have these things, and provide for my fiancée and for any other family members that may appear in future years! The worst thing about feeling like this is that I will look back in a few years and wish that I could have this time again. There will come a point where I'd give anything to have extra time off, to have days where I am free to do as I choose and spend time with the people I love most. I find this to be a tragic paradox - I am restless now, but I also dread the fact that once I start full-time work there's no stopping for many years. Don't get me wrong, I will love work and I'm excited about the career I've chosen. But there will be no substitute for the time I have now, the days I get to spend with Laura and the time to explore hobbies and interests of my choosing. I guess the right thing to do is to enjoy the moment and be grateful for it while it is here - a job and a regular salary will come in due course, but I shouldn't try to make all this happen before its time.

I think I will end my musings here for today - or at least, for now. Just as a final remark, I've been playing around with CSS and I think I've just about worked out what all the classes are called in Blogger. Unfortunately, my artistic skills are rather lacking, and I seem to be unable to distinguish between what looks good and what is physically painful to look at. So I apologise if white text on grey and blue backgrounds really isn't your thing!

That's all, for now...