Adsense or bad sense?

You may have noticed that I've put a small Adsense advert on my blog. I'm not expecting to make much money; it's more a trial to see how Adsense works and find out what sort of money you can expect to get each time somebody clicks on an advert. To date, I have earned 65p. This was from two clicks - one generous advertiser paid 42p, the other only a measly 23p.

As I already said, it's not there to make money. Having said this, times are hard, and if you can take pity on a poor student then perhaps you will have the heart to click on a couple of the ads that come up. You never know, you could be earning me a pound or two...enough to buy a cake perhaps, or a small block of cheese. (Yes, I do think about food a lot!) In the meantime, sorry if the ad puts you off this blog...I really hope it doesn't bother you too much.

Setting the record straight...

This is just a short blog to say something I should have said at the start. I talk about academia a lot; I spend a lot of time doing maths and studying. But the only thing that really satisfies me (and this is honest, I'm not just trying to butter her up) is my fiancée. She's my best friend and she makes me laugh every single day. In fact, I can't remember the last time that somebody made me laugh as hard as she does. She gets me like nobody else does - I don't even understand how, but she seems to understand me in an instant and get right under my skin to what I'm really feeling. I want her to know (and the same for anybody else that might stumble across this) that even in the times when I seem busy, or distracted, or with my nose in a bunch of lecture notes, that my life would be NOTHING without her and I'm so grateful to her for being who she is to me. This may sound very soppy (sorry if it does) but in her I have found somebody who I want to stick with for life, and I am thrilled that she will do me the honour of allowing me to do so. Thank you, Laura, for being you, and for helping me to be the me that I've always really wanted to be but never quite known how until I met you.

Happy midnight!

Si

Responsibility (what's that)

Hello again.

I've written and re-written this blog post four or five times today - I keep changing what I want to say and can't seem to make my mind up! I think I realised something important today. I've been applying for lots of jobs lately, and you always get asked these questions about how you will cope with deadlines, and pressure, and responsibility. Now I've always thought that I'm okay at these things, and that when I have a job next year I'll be able to handle the responsibilities that come with my work, because after all, that's what an office job is all about really. But these questions really got me thinking about how these issues apply not just to my future job, but to my life in general.

In particular, it struck me today that sometimes you just don't have the time or resources that you need to meet all the deadlines you've been given. This doesn't just apply to the office; I mean at home as well. Sometimes I find myself feeling caught between different pressures, and seeing no way I can find the time to do everything I need to. And I don't respond in the right way. I will do one of three things.

The first is complain. I don't usually do this out loud (though Laura will tell you otherwise!) but I internalise these feelings of "this isn't fair; it shouldn't be like this" and "if I'm this busy it must be because I've been given too much responsibility; I'm doing too much stuff". This frequently leads to me being grumpy and/or blaming others for "not helping out enough".

The second way that I respond is to panic. Instead of prioritising and being realistic about how much I can get done, I will try to do everything at once in a flustered manner, and in doing so I completely fail to get anything done. When this happens, disaster is looming.

The third and final reaction is overdrive. When all else fails, I will bury myself in whatever I need to do (especially true when it's studying) until I have done the task. This would be fine, except a) it's not always realistically going to work, and b) in doing so I neglect everyone and everything else and end up dumping a load of other responsibilities on my fiancée while I'm trying to cope with the ones I'm so bothered about in the first place. Whilst this can get things done, it's rarely fair to her and it's not healthy for me either.

So I think I need to change my attitude a bit. My realisation from doing those job apps, that sometimes you don't have the time to do everything you need to, comes as a bit of a relief. I have been assuming that things should never go wrong, and when they do I try to blame outside influences for the dilemma, or attempt some unrealistic method to get everything done. But I hope that now I've realised this, I will learn to keep my head, to tackle the important issues first, and if I drop the ball a bit here and there, not to beat myself up about it too much. Whilst this really is a relief (as for once, there is a practical way to tackle these issues rather than my usual disaster zone), it's also extremely difficult for me to admit, since I now have to actually do what I've said I'll do.

So...I'm not going to run away from these things any more. I'm going to stay cool, prioritise, and not freak out when things get a bit hairy. Please, please, if you are reading this, wish me luck in actually sticking to this, because something tells me I'm going to need it.

And just as I think I've got it sorted...

...I find out that the blog doesn't display properly in Chrome. Perhaps I messed around with the code a little bit too much.

Musings

Post number four. Well, at least I came back to write something else. I have to admit my mind is quite blank today and I'm struggling to think of interesting things to write! So I apologise if this is a bit of a ramble, and I promise I will try stop talking when I run out of things to say (as opposed to just repeating myself, which I am admittedly prone to doing).

It's got to that point in the academic year when I start to feel disorientated. It still feels like the start of term - I feel like I've only just started studying this year's work and the whole year is ahead of me - and yet people are already talking about Christmas. The truth is, while I'd love to keep my focus on the rest of this term's studies, all I can really think about is how it'll soon be holidays again and I won't have to worry about arranging supervisions and meeting deadlines and being told things at the last minute. My uni schedule isn't exactly packed, but I think I would find it easier to manage if I had something more regular rather than having to arrange every single class individually. I know this in theory gives me flexibility that some students only dream of, and on the better days I'm grateful for that, but it also means having to rely not only on your own reliability, but also everybody else's, and sometimes I can't help but feel at the mercy of others and their seemingly immovable diaries.

The truth is, I'm tired. I like studying but I'm tired of university and I'm really tired of not having a steady income or a regular schedule. I am looking forward to starting work just so I can have these things, and provide for my fiancée and for any other family members that may appear in future years! The worst thing about feeling like this is that I will look back in a few years and wish that I could have this time again. There will come a point where I'd give anything to have extra time off, to have days where I am free to do as I choose and spend time with the people I love most. I find this to be a tragic paradox - I am restless now, but I also dread the fact that once I start full-time work there's no stopping for many years. Don't get me wrong, I will love work and I'm excited about the career I've chosen. But there will be no substitute for the time I have now, the days I get to spend with Laura and the time to explore hobbies and interests of my choosing. I guess the right thing to do is to enjoy the moment and be grateful for it while it is here - a job and a regular salary will come in due course, but I shouldn't try to make all this happen before its time.

I think I will end my musings here for today - or at least, for now. Just as a final remark, I've been playing around with CSS and I think I've just about worked out what all the classes are called in Blogger. Unfortunately, my artistic skills are rather lacking, and I seem to be unable to distinguish between what looks good and what is physically painful to look at. So I apologise if white text on grey and blue backgrounds really isn't your thing!

That's all, for now...

One more thing...

I've recently starting learning CSS and Javascript. I taught myself HTML a while back but I got very rusty and I wanted to expand my knowledge with new things as well. I say this mostly as a warning: I will be attempting to customise my blog (tastefully, of course) and you should expect parts of it to appear butchered for quite some time until I get it right. Let's hope I am a fast learner.

The rest of me...

Hello again!

I'm writing a second post straight after the first for two reasons. Firstly, something tells me that the second post could be the hardest to write and if I get it out of the way, I'm more likely to come back and continue to blog. Secondly, I realised that I have inherently assumed that anyone who reads this knows the ins and outs of my life, and seeing as this is potentially not the case, I would like to fill in some details.

I am engaged to a lovely girl named Laura. I wanted to mention her first and foremost, not because she's going to read this, but because she really is the light in my life and the person that makes me happiest. She is the perfect balance for my character - she stops me getting too serious and wrapped up in work and study, and gets my butt in gear when I need to get up and do something like go shopping, or prepare for an upcoming event, or just do my share of the chores. I love her and I hate to think what I would be like without her (probably stuck in some dark room somewhere, hunched over a desk with just a pen and paper for company!). We're getting married in just over half a year and I'm really excited about this - I always thought I would get married a little later in life, but I can't tell you how delighted I am with how this has worked out.

I enjoy playing music. I play guitar when I can find the time, and love it. I can play the piano and the violin as well, and although I like each of these in their own way, the guitar is my weapon of choice. I really like classic rock - it has an inexplicable effect on me that I can only describe as the blood pumping in my veins - and I have more recently begun to love some more indie and punky styles of music. Laura introduced me to Yellowcard recently, and although I don't know many of their songs, this is the sort of music that I really like. There are other bands that I like - Feeder is one of them - and I can only describe these as "balanced" bands, not cringy or cheesy or embarassing like some of the older music I listen to, but but witty and pacy and energetic, and of course with better vocal lines (at least, that's my opinion). I will always love a good Metallica or Iron Maiden solo, and sometimes there's nothing better than rocking out to an AC/DC riff on twice the volume that the neighbours appreciate, but I am finding more room in my heart for the bands of today as well as yesterday (of course, in Metallica's case, they really fit into both categories but their first five albums are by far the best!).

I also like sport but this is starting to sound too much like an overly-detailed CV, so I won't bore you with this bit. Suffice to say that I have played a lot of tennis in my time, but I really really really LOVE a good game of footy and would be up for a basketball match any day.

I think that is enough information for now. I can't think of a good way to sign off so I will just say this: good night and I hope you enjoy the extra hour!